โIn exploring grief and loss as creatively and thoroughly as it does, ๐๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ด feels visionary and enlightened.โ
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Dominionated.ca
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While my mother, Linda Rehlinger, was in palliative care in 2018, I processed my emotions by holing up in my basement studio and improvising on my Yamaha electric piano. Those improvisations became โLinda In The Gardenโ, her garden being her sacred space. I recorded a raw version, literally in tears, straight to digital 2-track which can still be found on Soundcloud, though with reeds added in 2020. In the weeks following her death I performed the piece live twice, once in Guelph and once in Toronto. Since then Iโd been meaning to do a proper recording of it which would more accurately translate the blossoming garden of sounds I heard in my head as I improvised. This version was recorded in 2021.
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These pieces were commissioned by Trent Radio 92.7FM, Peterborough, for a 15 hour on air (and online) event in response to the Coronavirus Pandemic titled VIGIL. The broadcast/stream took place on the 2020 Winter Solstice, December 20th at 4:36pm to December 21st 7:46am. The titular โnine stages of griefโ which I based the works on are similar to the more well-known โfive stages of griefโ but, in my opinion at least, are more nuanced and certainly reflect my own experiences with grieving more accurately. They donโt need only apply to the loss of a loved one, but possibly the loss of something you held sacred or even our lost dreams for a better future.
The Nine Stages of Grief:
1 Hope โ Tormented Hope
2 Anxiety โ Anguished Apprehension
3 Depression โ Angst-Ridden Sadness
4 Denial โ Confused Rejection
5 Pain and Guilt ยญโ Agonizing Self-Blame
6 Anger and Bargaining โ Bitter Resentment
7 Acceptance โ Practical Relief
8 Depression โ Second Round of Sadness
9 Reverie and Revival โ Renaissance
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While working on Nine Stages of Grief and Linda in the Garden, I became in increasingly intrigued by the many-faceted nature of sorrow and how we humans have musically expressed it over the years in the form of laments, threnodies, dirges, and good old jazz and blues. There are infinite sorrows in our world, but these are the handful that rose to the surface when I sat down in my studio to write.